If there is a Heaven…
 
Read, see, or hear the news these days and its enough to depress the most optimistic person. I started thinking about “what if” scenarios happening in our world and it sounded way too much like “give me world peace and everything will be fine”.   Then my mind wandered to the utopia that is heaven in most religions; Hence, some of my thoughts on what might make a perfect ‘world’. Don’t take this as a position to challenge my view of religion or spirituality. These are just random ruminations about life without the burdens of society and a body. Here’s what I hope is waiting for everyone…well me at least. 

If there is a heaven…I hope Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. meets me at the entrance so we can say the Lord’s Prayer together in his passionate oratory voice

If there is a heaven…I hope there is no judgment

If there is a heaven…I hope there’s music; harps in the morning and bagpipes in the distance saying farewell to each day
 
If there is a heaven…I hope the nights are filled with a rhythmic silence that makes darkness invisible
 
If there is a heaven…I hope the colors of the sunset are available for every soul’s canvas to use
 
If there is a heaven…I hope the afternoon is filled with the innocent laughter of children
 
If there is a heaven…I hope ice cream tastes exactly the same
 
If there is a heaven…I hope there are animals, lots of them
 
If there is a heaven…I hope Forrest Gump, with his simple approach to existence, is a mentor
 
If there is a heaven…I hope Chivalry is an honorable thing but free from the stigma of superiority or inferiority
 
If there is a heaven…I hope no one’s voice is louder than another’s
 
If there is a heaven…I hope there are no Democrats or Republicans; in fact, I pray there are no politics at all
 
If there is a heaven…I hope there are no borders or boundaries for us to see
 
If there is a heaven…I hope it’s as cloudy and fluffy as in our fantasies
 
If there is a heaven…I hope forgiveness comes with out burden or guilt for either party
 
If there is a heaven…I hope the 4th dimension is as fascinating as it should be
 
If there is a heaven…I hope we drive on the right instead of the left
 
If there is a heaven…I hope the sense of sight is replaced by an understanding view of everything
 
If there is a heaven…I hope the first soul there is still as able as the latest to arrive
 
If there is a heaven…I hope the fragrance of spring greets every morning breath
 
If there is a heaven…I hope the curious logic surrounding the existence of man and his relationship to death needs no explanation but rather is just an understanding
 
Mostly, if there is a heaven…I hope there is a phone line so I can tell my family, “Everything’s gonna be ok”

A professor of mine once told me “everyone has a story”. At the time, I probably thought the statement was very profound…for about eight seconds. Then my mind wandered quickly toward the keg that was selflessly sacrificing its armored body by soaking in a tub of ice. Philosophical statements from a gowned laureate had to wait.  And wait it did, but not without its intended impact.

I am fortunate enough to hike in the early morning hours about three days a week at a local State Preserve near my house. In the heat, cold, rain, and snow I cherish my time walking through the early morning dew getting my head right for the day’s activities. Apparently, I’m not the only one who practices this form of solitude to awaken the day. For the most part, I see the same people every morning hiking the trails. The regulars, I call them. We pass each other about the same spots on the trails casually nodding with a muffled “good morning”.  It’s a club, but without any interaction other than to bump karmas as we make room to pass each other on the trail.  Often, within the solitude, my mind wanders back to my professor’s wisdom. What’s their story? What happenings in their life have made them who they are? Retired? Married, single, divorced? Broker, teacher, student? Struggling to live or living to the fullest? One day, for no particular reason, my mind wandered toward the type of people that would try to fix these ‘walking souls’, despite their perfectly calm demeanor while traipsing through the woods on a morning constitutional. It got me thinking about the imbalance between those who fix peoples stories and those in the world who use a person’s story to influence their own thinking and actions.

So many people make a living or a hobby out of trying to shape people and influence their stories. Adopting a child, caring for the homeless, treating addiction, comforting a neighbor, or mentoring the youth...all very commendable. It definitely changes peoples’ lives. But how often do we actually listen to a person’s story to soften our perception of them instead of trying to ‘fix’ their story? This is something I believe is woefully absent in this world. The use of perceptions is not restricted to helping fix a person. Perceptions should be used to understand someone, even when (and most importantly when) you are NOT trying to change a person’s story. With a keener perception comes an understanding that bridges gaps between people, cultures, races, and religions. It lessons the distance between disagreement and compatibility.

This is not to say that perception forgives ill acts or evil intentions. Far from it. But it should play significantly in how you react to a person and consequently interact with them. It may sound like I’m talking about compassion. But honestly, I believe perception is much more than compassion. Perception is a weigh station for resolving and maintaining ‘relationships’ whether it’s a friend, a foe, or a stranger. It can lead to compassion, but perception’s larger benefit is the forming and sharing of realistic opinions that usually result in more effective actions.

For those of you out there working tirelessly to change a person’s story, then keep it up. Your actions have a significant impact on many. If your motivations are else where, think about being part of movement that uses perception to make a difference. Everyone has a story. Listen to their story, understand their make up, and let THAT influence your actions. Surprisingly, you may find those you feel most unlike have a story very similar to yours. 

I recently read an article by a friend and fellow writer who made a valiant attempt at explaining her Holiday Blues with justifications ranging from the commercialization and forced expectations of Christmas to the sleep induced coma that is winter for the natural world. I’m paraphrasing here, of course, but she reveals what many feel about the onslaught of winter – shorter, colder days; the natural world shutting down, shriveling up and dying. She presents the coma in much better terms and with more positivity than I gave her credit for here, but her somber mood, like many people I know, is just shy of a mini-depression. For me personally, I have a cure!

Fall is by far my favorite time of year. The cool crisp nights and blustery days provide a freshness of air that excites me to no end. Much of that excitement is founded in the anticipation of winter. Many normal people view spring as a re-birthing introduction to the glory days of summer. Spring is the deep breath before the summer plunge. For me, fall is the deep breath before the wonderfully mysterious winter. The appreciation of winter often gets hidden with too much indoor activity. Yes, it’s cold outside. Yes, its often raining, cloudy, or possibly even snowing. Yes, staying in bed or by the fire is more appealing – even addictive – than going outside to the dying world. After all, why would anyone want to participate in the progression of death? Well, because the natural world is never dying, that’s why. In fact, for me, the natural world is more alive in the winter months than in the spring and summer when foliage is thick, the underbrush distorts the view of the land, bugs are manically searching for hosts, and the heat is…well, depressing. One walk in the woods during the winter months and I feel more alive than any other time of year.

The animals in the forest seem more active but in a quiet, productive way. Maybe it’s because they can be easily seen, heard, and appreciated. Maybe because I’m usually the only weirdo there. But, it seems animals are exposed yet not vulnerable. They are there for the viewing, to be soaked in by whoever wishes to brave the elements and join them in their open cold weather environs. The land itself is open to a new type of viewing. With the lack of underbrush and dense foliage, one gets a whole new appreciation for the shape of the land. The confluence of ravines, the steepness or gradual-ality of the slopes, the sheer number of trees as they stand independently from each other without the ‘combining effect’ of the leaves – all these subtleties make me realize how alive the forest actually is during its ‘winter nap’. For me, there is an abundance of life in the solitude of a winter forest.

I could go on and on about the little nuances of the natural world in winter, but then I would appear like a tree hugger – something I’m not yet willing to expose about myself. But, I have to admit, seeing winter as a time of exciting mystery in the natural world is something that I cherish like a juicy secret that makes a person hold a suspicious smile. I like to think it’s my secret. And with that secret, my soul gets inundated with endorphin-like rushes of excitement as November gently folds into December. It’s a secret that is sustained through late February each year until I begin to feel the rebirth that is spring. Unfortunately for me, spring brings about the end of my secret and the anxiety of everyone else waking up in the world. The woods no longer belong to me at that point as I’m forced to share them with people praising the end of a dreary dream. My suspicious smile returns only when they ask me what I dreamt about during my winter nap. 

I've had several people ask me where I got the concept for the book Life over Death. Well, it grew from a seed planted in my head by the lyrics of the wonderfully talented Holly Williams. As a singer/songwriter, she comes with an amazing pedigree being the daughter of Hank Williams Jr and the granddaughter of Hank Williams Sr. Her song "Without Jesus Here With Me" is a powerful ballad about a tragic event in her (or someone's) life.

I was on my routine, weekly flight from Nashville to Dulles (DC) listening to music while dozing in and out of 'sleep'. The chorus from this song settled into my semiconscious mind and the concept began to sprout. The chorus goes a little like this...

"I gladly would have died that day to save the child that went away, but you can't trade a life like that. I guess it's part of the master plan."

My mind started playing with the "trading a life" part of the lyric and I came up with an idea about the power of giving 10 miracles in exchange for 10 deaths (life over death...like a fraction). Giving that power to an 'ordinary' human led me to think through the struggles associated with making those type of choices. From there, the story blossomed into a painful, yet hopeful journey for Tom Roddin and those affected by his choices.

The song itself has nothing to do with the choices in the book or what I call the 'gift of Hope'. But the lyrics certainly were the seed and water to nourish the concept. It's funny how a single line or two from a well written song can stir an emotion that leads to a thought, then grows into a concept, and eventually tells a complete story. Good songwriting can be an inspiration on many different levels...for me, it helps grow stories.

The disparity in my writing life is quite comical with a slight touch of irony. In my real life, I write literally hundreds of pages of text in response to Government Requests for Proposals (RFP's) that include highly technical documents and IT solutions for military and other US Government agencies. This is Proposal writing at its best and worst! Not Grant writing (sorry for the name pun), but rather responses to government requests for contractors to provide all kinds of services - IT services and support, satellite support contracts, environmental impact assessments, and other assortments of boring technical things that keep our Government up and running.

In my 'spare' time, I write fiction. Mostly about people who struggle to do the right things in a world so full of greed and the desperate drive to make a name for themselves. I like the concept of good verses evil where the good guys shine through the darkness that so often engulfs our daily lives. I like the triumphs of unassuming people who push to make a difference in other people's lives through unselfish actions. Finding an interesting, fresh way to present these stories is where my creativity finds a home. It's what makes me tick!

The disparity between my two lives should be obvious by now - one is very real life, presenting boring, matter-of-fact solutions on how to manage a program in a cost efficient manner; the other is quite the opposite and includes making up facts, characters, lifestyles, scenarios, and lessons to apply in whatever manner befits the reader. So, the two opposites collide in my mind and are continually fighting for dominance (yes i am a bit crazy but not certifiably insane...yet!). The irony comes into play in the form of the solutions I provide, as a consultant, to my clients. Often times I'll ask them, "Ok, how do you want to run this program? What is your organizational structure, what tools do you use to manage your people, what process are in place to develop a business rhythm that keeps a program operational yet still presentable to the customer?" Sometimes the blank stares are frightening!

So, I'll write a management scheme or solution, as we like to call it, and say "You have this great tool that tracks all of our folks hours, what they did, and what the daily or weekly accomplishments were. And you use a process called 'SuperDuper Process' (yep...maybe we'll patent that phrase!) that shows the daily activities of the entire program against a full lifecycle schedule with progress towards upcoming milestones and larger goals. AND, this process and the personnel tool is fully integrated with your Financial Analytic & Assessment System called...F-ASS, so you can show your customer your burn rate at any given moment in the program."

Again, blank stare. I say, "These tools sound really good. Shows that you know what your doing right? R-i-g-h-t?"

"Oh, yes that's what we'll do...I mean that's what we do everyday!" 

There...right at that point is the irony! I make scenarios up all the time about what a company should say in a proposal and encourage them to develop the tools and process before (read 'if' here) they are awarded the contract. Sometimes they convert it from fiction into fact when they execute the contract by implementing these 'new' techniques. Sometimes it remains fiction forever and they execute with the same archaic tools they started with.

When I let the cat out of the bag with some of my clients that i was writing a book of fiction, some giggled and said, "Well you've been doing that for years, so it shouldn't be a stretch." So, here is where I stand in my confused mind between real life and fiction.