I recently read an article by a friend and fellow writer who made a valiant attempt at explaining her Holiday Blues with justifications ranging from the commercialization and forced expectations of Christmas to the sleep induced coma that is winter for the natural world. I’m paraphrasing here, of course, but she reveals what many feel about the onslaught of winter – shorter, colder days; the natural world shutting down, shriveling up and dying. She presents the coma in much better terms and with more positivity than I gave her credit for here, but her somber mood, like many people I know, is just shy of a mini-depression. For me personally, I have a cure!

Fall is by far my favorite time of year. The cool crisp nights and blustery days provide a freshness of air that excites me to no end. Much of that excitement is founded in the anticipation of winter. Many normal people view spring as a re-birthing introduction to the glory days of summer. Spring is the deep breath before the summer plunge. For me, fall is the deep breath before the wonderfully mysterious winter. The appreciation of winter often gets hidden with too much indoor activity. Yes, it’s cold outside. Yes, its often raining, cloudy, or possibly even snowing. Yes, staying in bed or by the fire is more appealing – even addictive – than going outside to the dying world. After all, why would anyone want to participate in the progression of death? Well, because the natural world is never dying, that’s why. In fact, for me, the natural world is more alive in the winter months than in the spring and summer when foliage is thick, the underbrush distorts the view of the land, bugs are manically searching for hosts, and the heat is…well, depressing. One walk in the woods during the winter months and I feel more alive than any other time of year.

The animals in the forest seem more active but in a quiet, productive way. Maybe it’s because they can be easily seen, heard, and appreciated. Maybe because I’m usually the only weirdo there. But, it seems animals are exposed yet not vulnerable. They are there for the viewing, to be soaked in by whoever wishes to brave the elements and join them in their open cold weather environs. The land itself is open to a new type of viewing. With the lack of underbrush and dense foliage, one gets a whole new appreciation for the shape of the land. The confluence of ravines, the steepness or gradual-ality of the slopes, the sheer number of trees as they stand independently from each other without the ‘combining effect’ of the leaves – all these subtleties make me realize how alive the forest actually is during its ‘winter nap’. For me, there is an abundance of life in the solitude of a winter forest.

I could go on and on about the little nuances of the natural world in winter, but then I would appear like a tree hugger – something I’m not yet willing to expose about myself. But, I have to admit, seeing winter as a time of exciting mystery in the natural world is something that I cherish like a juicy secret that makes a person hold a suspicious smile. I like to think it’s my secret. And with that secret, my soul gets inundated with endorphin-like rushes of excitement as November gently folds into December. It’s a secret that is sustained through late February each year until I begin to feel the rebirth that is spring. Unfortunately for me, spring brings about the end of my secret and the anxiety of everyone else waking up in the world. The woods no longer belong to me at that point as I’m forced to share them with people praising the end of a dreary dream. My suspicious smile returns only when they ask me what I dreamt about during my winter nap. 

The disparity in my writing life is quite comical with a slight touch of irony. In my real life, I write literally hundreds of pages of text in response to Government Requests for Proposals (RFP's) that include highly technical documents and IT solutions for military and other US Government agencies. This is Proposal writing at its best and worst! Not Grant writing (sorry for the name pun), but rather responses to government requests for contractors to provide all kinds of services - IT services and support, satellite support contracts, environmental impact assessments, and other assortments of boring technical things that keep our Government up and running.

In my 'spare' time, I write fiction. Mostly about people who struggle to do the right things in a world so full of greed and the desperate drive to make a name for themselves. I like the concept of good verses evil where the good guys shine through the darkness that so often engulfs our daily lives. I like the triumphs of unassuming people who push to make a difference in other people's lives through unselfish actions. Finding an interesting, fresh way to present these stories is where my creativity finds a home. It's what makes me tick!

The disparity between my two lives should be obvious by now - one is very real life, presenting boring, matter-of-fact solutions on how to manage a program in a cost efficient manner; the other is quite the opposite and includes making up facts, characters, lifestyles, scenarios, and lessons to apply in whatever manner befits the reader. So, the two opposites collide in my mind and are continually fighting for dominance (yes i am a bit crazy but not certifiably insane...yet!). The irony comes into play in the form of the solutions I provide, as a consultant, to my clients. Often times I'll ask them, "Ok, how do you want to run this program? What is your organizational structure, what tools do you use to manage your people, what process are in place to develop a business rhythm that keeps a program operational yet still presentable to the customer?" Sometimes the blank stares are frightening!

So, I'll write a management scheme or solution, as we like to call it, and say "You have this great tool that tracks all of our folks hours, what they did, and what the daily or weekly accomplishments were. And you use a process called 'SuperDuper Process' (yep...maybe we'll patent that phrase!) that shows the daily activities of the entire program against a full lifecycle schedule with progress towards upcoming milestones and larger goals. AND, this process and the personnel tool is fully integrated with your Financial Analytic & Assessment System called...F-ASS, so you can show your customer your burn rate at any given moment in the program."

Again, blank stare. I say, "These tools sound really good. Shows that you know what your doing right? R-i-g-h-t?"

"Oh, yes that's what we'll do...I mean that's what we do everyday!" 

There...right at that point is the irony! I make scenarios up all the time about what a company should say in a proposal and encourage them to develop the tools and process before (read 'if' here) they are awarded the contract. Sometimes they convert it from fiction into fact when they execute the contract by implementing these 'new' techniques. Sometimes it remains fiction forever and they execute with the same archaic tools they started with.

When I let the cat out of the bag with some of my clients that i was writing a book of fiction, some giggled and said, "Well you've been doing that for years, so it shouldn't be a stretch." So, here is where I stand in my confused mind between real life and fiction.